Restart

i have finally quit my job.
a relatively high end profession, compared to most, but, the noose has gradually tightened for so many years now that it has finally reached the point that every breath i took was a constant struggle for air.

i have been putting off this resigning business for a long time now. when i think about it, i really have no clue why i put it off for so long. there really was no point in staying. i guess what got me hanging by a thread were the people that i got to call friends and of course, the monetary compensation. however, i thought about it long and hard, and i realized that real friends will always be with you, and the monetary compensation, well, can be procured somewhere else.

so why did i stay for so long in a job that i really no longer wanted? i honestly cannot say.

on my last days of employment, i noticed that even as i woke up early to avoid being late, i always had to battle the compulsion of staying at home and watching a dvd marathon, even if i was already dressed and ready to go. and, even then, i detain myself till the last minute (which completely cancels the point of waking up early in the first place.
alas, i think everything caught up to me at once.

there was no point in prolonging nor fighting the inevitable. everything has become monochrome and ritual that nothing held any mystery and amazement anymore. everything just sort of stopped having any meaning and i inevitably developed a gaping emptiness of being that was so consuming, i knew that i had to do something fast, before all of my sense of self was diminished.
as a result, i handed in that resignation letter that has been sitting in my head for two years now.

now i'm in my room, writing another memoir. i think i'm past the depression stage. i realized that work is like a drug, you'd have to go through similar withdrawal symptoms. i don't think it means that i didn't make the right decision. on the contrary, it feels like a cleansing ritual.

strangely enough, even though i'm currently unemployed and is technically considered a "bum", i don't feel the emptiness that i felt when i was still a part of society's so-called '' productive faction".

i had a conversation with a friend a while ago. she's also taking a relative time off from work. she said it's really nice to sit back and watch the world again. i couldn't help but agree. in the four years that i have been a slave to the economy, i have forgotten the simple joys of life that are usally taken for granted.
now, i'm sitting down, taking a breather, just watching the world move without me, at least, for a time. i must admit, it really does feel good to take that deep breath without the noose tightening around my neck.
since i quit, i have written 3 songs in one day, which is more than the number of songs i have written in 5 months. my creative capabilities, are finally flowing again, as this entry bears witness to. maybe being drained from work's mind numbing stress and demands took away my capacity to create and be inspired.
i am hopeful that i will get it back though.

i am working on perfecting the concept and skill of taking my time about things, without the dictates of a deadline and a timetable.

it's so good to feel alive again.

finally, i'm looking forward to the new day, after it having lost its wonder for a good part of two years. tomorrow, i'm going to wake up early, stand on our balcony and wait for the day to begin anew. i just want the day to know that i'm just so glad to welcome it back and witness this big, big smile on my face.