Monday, September 21, 2009

Much Is Unsaid

I look back at my life right now and I'm not sure if I’m happy with what I see. I don’t know if I achieved all I’ve set out to get nor do I know if I’ve lived the way one’s supposed to. All I know is that right now, I am stuck in a crossroads and I can’t move on or choose a path because I am laden with uncertainties on where to go next and insecurities about taking on the new hurdles of life. I haven’t always been like this. I know I used to be light in spirit and disposition and something this trivial wouldn’t have bothered me any.
Anyway, that’s all moot now because the thing is, I am in this dismal reality and it seems I’m stuck here or worst, have been stuck here for the longest time and I’ve just noticed, now that my feet won’t move since they’re sinking in quicksand.
Is this despair even normal? I have lost all semblance of fighting and I’m being pummeled into pulp by circumstance, inability and hopelessness.
Is this what’s fated for me? I shake my head and wonder when my life has reached its peak because I don’t think it ever did. And when I do recall a specific goal achieved, place traveled or persons met, somehow those memories just seem petty and washed out.
Lord, I don’t want to keep on living like this. I am neither a drone nor a shadow but it’s just so hard keeping my head up. I want to view the world as I did, when I was but an exuberant youth. I need to witness something with wonder again. I need your help. Please show me there’s something more than this bland, bleak excuse of a life.

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