Pagpapatiwakal Ng Katinuan

as i'm currently supposed to be working right now, let me do something much more "wholesome" in lieu
of dozing off into oblivion.... About two nights ago, i was wondering, ang hirap rin pala mag-ipon ng testimonial. Anyway, I decided
to make myself some mock-testimonials just for the heck of it. Tapos syempre di ko rin maiwasang
mag-comment sa mga ito ano? MWAHAHAHHAHA.. here it goes.

San Lorenzo Ruiz - " j.caccam? i always found her sadly lacking in the "spiritual pursuit"... always up and
about yammering, spreading social discord. if i were her dad, i wouldn't hesitate in "showing her the
light" for one second... let me just get my hands on some pliers (for extracting toenails) and a tank full of water (righteous submersion)... sometimes martyrdom is the key for seeing the light.."

J.CACCAM- hey, not all of us are massochists you sick weirdo...

Gloria Macapagal Arroyo - " This girl is a paragon for all Filipino youngsters... Hard working, Righteous,
Charitable.. Honestly, this last presidential election, i woudn't have gotten through in one piece if it
weren't for this young lady. She helped me keep my head during the harrowing process... All i have for
her is heartfelt gratitude... The country owes you a great deal Jackie, your parents would be so proud of
you.."

J.CACCAM- (modestly wipes her eyes w/ a sleeve..) i did what any self-respecting filipino would
do...sniff..sniff...

Spanish Interpreter (work related po) - "para espanyol, marque el dos....Gracias Porliamar First Choice...
Jackie? Jackie? yo no hablo espanyol muy bien....."

J.CACCAM - notenggo dinero.... para bailar la bamba...hindi tayo papaalipin,,,, sugod!!! sugod mga
kapatid!!!PUNITIN ANG MGA SEDULA!!! PUNITIN !!!

Kris Aquino - "Sihh Jahhckiehh Caccahhmm??? Why thahht girhhll is not reahhlly a gurl ano?!!!? I've
beehhnn hearihng kasihh amohhng my katsismizans nahh she's been going around the place
claiminghh she's sohhme kind of ahh mermaihhdd.. like hellowww????!!!... akohhh lang ang tuhhnay
na murrrmaid anohhh?? akohh lang!!! huhuhhuhuuhhuhu... I love mark but we're not meant to be
talaga (self-suffering expression on face)."

J.CACCAM - I thought this testimonial is supposed to be for me!!!!! for me!!! wahahahahah

The Terminator - "J.caccam . die bitch."

J.CACCAM - the world would be better off burned into smoldering ashes if all people wrote testimonials
like this...

Sandara - "J. caccam? I like her. My Idol. Korean Kim-chi is the best. i want to thank her cos i wouldn't
have won 1st runner up if she didn't drop out of SCQ early in the game... thank you, thank you,, to all
my fans, thank you for supporting me, always know... MAAA--HAAAALL KOO KAHH--YOONG
LAHH-AATT" (plak plakplakplak.. series of scatterred applause at what seems to be a humongous effort
on Sandara's part)....."

J.CACCAM - personally, i liked errol better....

J.Caccam on herself - "J.Caccam, batang tiki-tiki. Nasanay sa hirap at sakripisyo. mahilig sa gatas at
kape, dahilan ng kanyang pagkakaroon ng matitibay na mga buto ngunit nerbyosang disposisyon..
Tinaguiriang "Terror ng mga LAMOK", ang future substitute for the katol. Self- proclaimed Androgenous
Mermaid. May She Rest In Peace...."

J.CACCAM - hah??

I don't get paid enough.....

we gaze, inconspicuously, through the gray dividing wall that separates the mortals from
the demi-gods that reside in the center of the floor. we time our moves meticulously, so as
not to be seen and noticed. we crouch, as though busy with manipulating the system
synonymously termed after a flag. we try to get closer to the screen, appearing to be
engrossed, therefore giving the impression that we are not to be disturbed. our heads and
shoulders try to cover as much as we can of the lower part of the monitor. cautiously, we
click on the icon that provides us a relative glimpse of the world, a gateway to the window
of satellite-transmitted information. as a demi-god passes by, we straighten from our
suspicious crouching position then we discreetly push the left mouse button to minimize
the window. as the imminent danger of the citation form passes by, we scan the floor once
again to check if the coast is clear, then we repeat the procedure. this goes on until the
next irate texan decides to dial the toll free number, just to disturb some poor filipino
footstool and bitch about the unfairness of power-weilding, high and mighty retail electric
providers and threaten to move to another company who could give them better service.
hakhakhak.

Anopheles

stealth is my middle name, i gaze in a statue-like motionlessness, from the cover of the cabinet shadow. she might think that i'm still the hapless victim but this time i'm ready. clutched in my right hand is the unlikely weapon that would bring death to my enemies. they would tremble in fear if they knew what i held. the droning sound comes ever nearer, i stand at the ready, the stiff gait i hold belying the fact that i am as full of energy as a coiled spring ready to explode. she comes, my sworn enemy. she has taken my lifeblood against my will, stolen it like a thief in the night. she has desecrated my body, the only thing i hold dear in this muddle of a life. now i thirst for revenge. i have sworn to myself that she will die before the next hour... alas, she comes, with hordes of her sisters, an army come to reckon with me, i stand ready with my newspaper, SWAT ! SWAT ! SWAT! it seems that i am making no impact. the mosquitoes attack without being deterred. i wave my battered newspaper around hopelessly, it seems that all my efforts are in vain, i turn to the last resort... i strike a match, the tip flares up, my last beacon of hope. i touch the burning end to the processed green spiral. an inconsequential act, to the untrained eye, but to mine, this would be the relative end of a life, a welcome beginning for me. BWAHAHAHAHAHHABWBAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! KAKATOLIN KO KAYONG MGA LAMOK KAYO !!! MWAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!!! MAKAKATULOG NA AKO NG MAIGE!!!! BWAHAHAHAHHA...AKKHHHHKKKKK,,,, AHHAHHAKKKKK.. (pumasok ata yung lamoksa bunganga ko)... mmhhawakkkakkkkkkkkkkkkk.......................

in a nutshell (is a nut)

yes, i'm sad to say, once in a while the cynic in us takes a nap and what takes its place is actually one of those dreaded sunny, "omigod-everthing's yellow and pink", "oh look, let's hop after the cute bunny!" types of alter egos... when this surfaces, we usually sigh at everything we see, whether its a romantic commercial wherein the guy actually proposes to the girl in front of a sunset beach background or even when we're watching the psycho chop up the heroine into tiny bits of pieces and mix the parts in an adobo restaurant serving (ewww... what kind of person thinks up these things?)...anyway the point to this is, it doesn't actually help me when this phenomenon happens in the wee hours of morning (the peak of call center hours), what with both of my seatmates asleep and i'm left without someone to bear the brunt of my mutation... people actually think i'm talking to myself when in fact the people i'm talking to are actually in another realm,so to speak. anyways, let me just clarify this for once and for all, I DO NOT TALK TO MYSELF, OK!!!!!!!???????? but yes, the rumors are true, my best buddy is john lennon and we went out the other day with elvis and oprah to eat the ever famous barbe-que at DANILICIOUS in project four, quezon city, manila, philippines.......