Mesmerized

no, i am not going home until i sort myself out. homesick..homesick..homesick..
besides, baka magkita pa tayo and all hell will break loose.

You make me want to write. I, who writes as often as the elusive thunderstorm vents its fury in summer.
I hate it that you make me feel this way.
I hate being so out of myself and being so insecure, especially since being in control is what makes me tick in front of people.
The worst part of it is of you having no idea about how you affect me so.
It must be grand being your usual ordinary self yet affecting someone in an extraordinary way.
i hate losing myself this way, especially, losing myself to a person who i'm not even sure is worth losing oneself into.
Hence, I'm instigating this constant battle to hate you.
It's a defense mechanism you see, it would be better for me if I didn't like you too much because eventually (and inevitably), it wouldn't hurt too much either.
So stop being your usual charming self and at least show a little bad character.

I don't know what I see in you anyway. You're a nerd and from what I've personally seen so far, boring.
You're someone who doesn't usually deviate from convention and that makes you as interesting as fighting off a yawn during a sleepy school afternoon.
Worst of all, you look like the type of person who basks in a comfort zone.
This means, you content yourself by having and being what others expect you to be and not even exerting effort to go beyond the cliches.
I know it's unfair that I've put you in a box and I know it's more than unfair that that box is made up of nothing but speculations and vindictive thoughts but, as you may have gathered already, if you're the between-the-lines type, I'm desperately looking for ways to preserve myself.

I'm sure that in reality, you're more than a person in a box and you're even more wonderful
than what I clearly deny myself to see but right now, I don't want to think about that.
You see, I've got everything to lose in this game and what gets to me is you're not even in it.